The Four Agreements (quick summary)

Table of contents

The Four Agreements (quick summary)

Table of contents

• The author is the descendant of a civilization called Toltec, where “Everyone is a god” (a.k.a Shaman).

• The first agreement is the premise for the later three agreements.

Domestication and the dream of the planet

• Everyone is living the dream they created in their mind. We all live in a dream that we want to see. We just represent light.

• Human domestication happens from birth until adulthood, and domestication is what society tries to implement for us to believe. This comes with a reward and punishment system; whenever you do something that is against what society wants, you get punished.

• Our dream causes us to be blind and prevents us from understanding others, perhaps never will.

• There is no truth to find; all the truth is already in your mind. We trust what we believe, but our beliefs set us up for suffering.
• Your whole mind is a fog that Toltecs call mitote (mee-toe-tay), and nobody understands each other, which is an illusion.

• In the process of domestication, we form an image of what perfection is that one should try to become, but we never fit into that image. We are never going to be perfect from this POV. The level of self-rejection depends on how effectively other adults break our integrity. We cannot forgive ourselves for not being what we want to be.

• We dishonor ourselves just to please other people. But nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves. Our image of perfection is why we cannot accept ourselves and others.

Prelude to a new dream

• We have many agreements with others, but the most important agreement is with yourself. In this agreement: "This is what I am, this is what I believe. I can do certain things, and some things I cannot do. This is reality, this is fantasy; this is possible, this is impossible."

The first agreement: Be impeccable with your words

• The word is not just a sound; it's a force. One day, a man in Germany used his word to transform the whole country into a ferocious, angry crowd of people. He led them into wars just using his words.

• The word is like a seed, and the human mind is so fertile. Once you plant a seed, it grows and flourishes. Take the example of Hitler; he sent out all those seeds of fear, which grew very strong and beautifully achieved massive destruction.

• People can call you stupid, and then you believe it forever. One day, someone comes and says it is not true, then you believe it again. If later someone else says you are stupid again, this agreement will become stronger.

• What does it mean to be impeccable? Impeccable means "without sin". Everything you feel or believe that goes against yourself is a sin. You go against yourself or judge yourself for anything. Being without sin is exactly the opposite. Being impeccable means that you never go against yourself. When you are impeccable, you may take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself.

• Mostly we use words to spread hatred, anger, jealousy, etc. Because we learned that way.

• Take a case with a mother. A mother comes home very late, she is exhausted. The daughter is singing. But from the daughter's view, she is excited and sings even louder. The mother loses control and says, "Your voice is ugly," and then the daughter believes that and sets the agreement in her mind.
• When we hear an opinion and believe it, it becomes an agreement in our belief system. This girl, when she grows up, has a beautiful voice. But after that, she never sang again. She develops a whole complex from one spell. This spell was cast upon a person she loves the most: her mother. But her mother's intolerance for noise was non-existent; it was not that the little girl's voice was ugly, but the daughter believed what she said.

• Another case: You wake up in the morning and feel awesome, you look in the mirror and prepare yourself for work. Then you come to the office and someone says, "You look terrible today, look at the shirt you're wearing." You take the opinion, and it becomes your agreement with yourself.

• Looking at everyday human interaction, we cast our spells on others through gossiping. It's a form of black magic. Gossip is at its very worst because it is pure poison. We learned how to gossip by agreement. "Misery likes company". This is how the dream of the planet keeps us down.
• Say we gossip about the teacher. That perception eats into our brains, and we have an agreement with the teacher. Then you become miserable and drop out of the class. But it was the gossiping to be blamed, not the teacher.

• When you're impeccable with your word, you feel good; you feel happy and at peace. Use white magic, beginning with yourself, how wonderful you are, how great you are. Use the word to break all those tiny, teeny agreements that make you suffer.

The second agreement: Don't take things personally

• Nothing other people do is because of you; it is because of themselves. Let's say I walk on the street and see you, telling you that "You're ugly". It doesn't have to do with you, but with me. If you believe it and that becomes your agreement, you're sending yourself to hell. You take it personally because you believe everything that was said.

• As soon as you agree, you're sending yourself to hell. If the person tells you "You're fat", it is because the person is dealing with her/his own belief. They try to seed poison in you, and as soon as you accept it, it becomes yours.
• It is not important to me what you think of me, and I don't take it personally. I don't take it personally when people say: "Hey Miguel, you're the best", or when "Hey Miguel, you're the worst". Because I know when you're happy, you will tell me "Hey Miguel, you're an angel", and when you are mad at me, you will say "Oh, Miguel, you're such a devil". Either way, it does not affect me because I know who I am. I don't have the need for someone to tell me.
• This also applies to what your mind thinks. You also have the right to perceive or believe what your mind says.

• Don't take anything personally because it will set you up to suffer for nothing. Humans are addicted to suffering at different levels and to different degrees.

The third agreement: Don't make assumptions

• Because we're afraid of asking for clarification, we make assumptions. We believe we're right about the assumptions, then we decide to defend our assumptions and prove others wrong. It is always better to ask questions rather than make assumptions because assumptions set you up for suffering.

• The big mitote in the human mind creates a lot of chaos which causes us to misinterpret everything and misunderstand everything.

• We make assumptions that everyone thinks the way we think, feels the way we feel, judges the way we judge, and abuses the way we abuse. We also create an assumption of ourselves, "I am able to do this", which creates a lot of inner conflicts.

• The way to keep us from our assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don't understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you're clear about what it is. With clear communication, all of your relationships will change, not only with your partner, but everyone else. It is difficult because we normally do the exact opposite. A white magician uses the word for creation, giving, sharing, and loving. By making this agreement a habit, your life will be completely transformed.

The fourth agreement: Always do your best

• Do your best. Your best when you're happy is different from your best when you're mad. But in either case, you must do your best. If you overdo, you will spend more energy than needed; if you do less, you will feel a sense of guilt and embarrassment. By always doing your best, you will break the spell that you're under.

• Doing your best, you will become productive, you will live your life intensely. You're going to be good for yourself because you will give yourself to your community and your family. But it is the action that makes you feel intensely happy.

• People only take action because they expect a reward, say like waiting for payday. They can hardly wait until Friday. They are working for the reward, so they resist working. They try to avoid actions and it becomes difficult; they don't do their best.

• Action is the way we live fully; inaction is the way we deny life. When you're doing your best, you are taking action because you enjoy it. It's taking the risk to go out and express your dream, which is different from imposing your dream on someone else, because everyone has the right to express their own dream.

• Taking a shower is a ritual for me; I do it because I tell myself how much I love it. I make everything a ritual, and I do it. I feel and enjoy the water on me. I do my best to fulfill my body.

• In India, they perform a ritual called Puja. In the ritual, they take idols that represent gods and pray to them. They even chant mantras to these idols. The idol itself is not important. What is important is the way they perform the ritual: "I love you, god".

• God is life; god is life in action. The best way to say, "I love you, god," is to live your life doing your best. It is by letting go and living in the exact moment, right here, and right now. Whatever life takes from you, let it go.